War is peace.
Freedom is slavery.
Ignorance is strength.

Consent is coercion.

"Knesset passes biometric database bill"

Two-year trial period to test database before it becomes mandatory for all Israeli citizens.

The Knesset on Monday adopted a bill establishing a biometric database in Israel, which will eventually lead to the replacement of regular identification with electronic IDs. Forty Mks supported the bill, 11 opposed it, and three abstained.

In addition to identification cards and passports, the database will also be designed to hold the fingerprints and visual scans of every citizen of Israel.

So...
Any body got a couch I can crash on other than tempestbreaker?

Sometimes I wonder if we're too frightened to see the bushfire.

Recently I watched V for Vendetta for what is possibly the 10th time and I couldn't help but think that the movie wasn't actually US-Centric, but was actually telling the story of the future of my own country.

Very allegorical, perhaps taking it a bit too far, but I read the News and I follow the trends and I know that the danger isn't the fact that Iran wants us dead (I'm quite sure that just as we scapegoat them, they scapegoat us - they have far bigger problems and so do we), it's that we are in great danger of becoming Iran.

It scares the shit out of me, because the Occupation will eventually end - it's a question of how much more blood shed it's going to take - but it will end, because it just is not sustainable and no matter how much we economically rely on keeping the Palestinian people subjugated, it's only a matter of time when that economic power will collapse.

Theocracy scares me a whole lot more than a bi-national democracy.

I mentioned the pro-natalist ideology that dominates my country; this shows itself not only as free fertility treatment for all women (single and not), but also in rewarding large families - giving automatic child benefits to large families.
Ostensibly, this is a good thing, I think poor people should get as much help as they can from the government that doesn't actually do much to make sure the economy to keep a quarter of population out of poverty.

The government, the representatives of the poorer sections of society - the Haredim (themselves a vilified and discriminated minority) - seem keen on keeping them poor and breeding and in separate education systems; the Haredi children do not study for matriculation; they study the Holy Scriptures.
Thus, the cycle of poverty, no sex-ed and breeding for G-d and Country.

In 10, 15 or 20 years there will be a Revolutionary Guard made up of these people and the National-Religious people who believe that it is their Duty under G-d to conquer the Land for the Kingdom of Israel.

I am so not kidding.

The Association of Civil Rights in Israel (ACRI) has published it's annual Human Rights Status Report.
The report in Hebrew and in English.
Big surprise, we are not doing well.
As these rights are in fact considered privileges, more to the point they are "conditional" as Ha'aretz writes.

Some highlights from the report:

Delegitimisation of Human Rights Defenders and Activists: Decision-makers and senior officials within the Israeli government have worked to silence activists and members of social change organizations, whose messages do not correspond to their own. This included aggressive media campaigns, demonization, the diffusion of false information, and attempts to sabotage their funding. Earlier this year, for example, the IDF Spokesperson savagely attacked “Breaking the Silence,” a group which collects testimonies from soldiers who served in the Occupied Territories. In another instance among many, Interior Ministry Eli Yishai called organizations defending migrant workers’ rights a “threat to the Zionist enterprise.”

How, exactly, are we better than all the other countries in the Levant. We fit right in! I dunno what the problem is, for realz.

Increased Racism among Different Groups: A survey in the daily Haaretz reported a high level of intolerance of, and among, virtually all sub-groups in Israeli society. These include: Arabs, Israelis of Russian and Ethiopian origin, Haredim (ultra-Orthodox Jews) and settlers. The horrifying attack on the “Barnoar” gay and lesbian youth club in Tel Aviv elicited widespread condemnation by public officials, but Web forums and talkbacks revealed deep-rooted hatred and disgust for the homosexual community among the general public.

Well, all those disenfranchised people do is complain! They're not beneficial to the society at large, of course.

Other highlights include; Freedom of Expression - "If they like what you say", Arab Citizens of Israel - "Rights, if you are loyal", The Right to Adequate Housing - If you are "one of us", The Right to Health Care - "If you can pay", Occupied Territories - "Rights, if you are Israeli" and finally, "The Deterioration of Democracy".

It's a running joke among certain factions of the Left that Israel was a Democracy for seven months. From November 1966 when the Martial Law placed on the Arab population in Israel and until the Six-Day in June 1967 in which Israel annexed Jerusalem, Sinai and Golan Heights.

I think I can say without a doubt that 2009 has been the year of utter Fail. This year has been the proof to me that the Personal is Political and just wow.
Wow.

How has your year been?

Two interesting and related stories showed themselves to me in my News Reader this week:

"Israel moves toward allowing egg donations among lesbian couples" and "Health Ministry mulls letting gay couples use surrogate mothers".

I have a few friends who are Lesbian mothers, both biological and not. Every one of them that has spoken to me on the issue, told me that with becoming a mother, they feel that they have become more accepted as people and specifically as women.

A good friend of mine is a self-identified Butch Lesbian, as such she's dealt with a whole lot of prejudice, been threatened with violence and has had to force herself to conform to certain gender norms in order to retain her job - now that her hair is longer, she doesn't have to work as hard as she once did.
A couple of years ago she and her partner had a baby and she said that she finally felt that she got a validation of womanhood.
By becoming a mother, she finally became - somewhat - of an insider.

Israel is a hugely and somewhat aggressively, pro-natalist country. We have, what is called, a "demographic issue" - we have to keep the Jewish Majority, otherwise we risk ruination. So goes the ideology.

Same-Sex couples have lots of privileges in Israel, due to common-law partnership agreements that were originally drafted for "un-marriageble" couples (like a Cohen and a Divorcee, or a Bastard who wants to marry anyone), not to mention that all marriages are religious (as in a Jewish person can only marry another Jewish person, a Muslim person can only marry another Muslim person - pardon the gender neutrality, I'm just used to writing that way, obviously it is also a marriage between a man and a woman).

Like most trends, the "Gayby" Boom arrived 15 years after the rest of the world to Israel and over the past half-decade I've seen huge amounts of Queer women become mothers.

Once you're a parent, you gain legitimacy for your existence.

One of the things often hurled at queers as a fault is our "hedonistic" Lifstyle^tm. We're nothing but bodies having sex, of course.
If you have a baby, you're a help to the nation.

Beyond the fact that women, once again, are made to be incubators for future soldiers, I'm not convinced this assimilationist strategy is the way to go - because it is assimilationist. Gays are not going to be accepted via marriage, might as well make babies and be accepted that way!

I mean, beyond the fact that the non-biological parents are going to have to go through the adoption process in any case, I don't think this is going to bring about more acceptance of queers - we're having kids in any case - but it is buying into the nations demographic paranoia.

But in very small amounts.

I was watching the first part of Stephen Fry's documentary HIV and Me (2007).

During this episode he goes to South Africa (which still has the most appalling policy when it comes to HIV/AIDS even though over 25% of the population is infected - the majority of infections pass through unprotected heterosexual sexual encounters. In South Africa this it's not a "Gay Disease" and never was - but the stigma remains.

While there, Stephen Fry meets journalist and AIDS activist Lucky Mazibuko who takes him on an excursion to a school in which he gives an informative lecture to little kids.

On the wall of their class there were two slogans:
Being HIV positive is not a curse.

Being HIV positive is normal

As I watched I felt very moved by the sight of these kids speaking so candidly about safe sex and how you can't HIV/AIDS from touching someone, kissing someone, sharing food with someone, etc.

And then Mr. Mazimbuko brings out a t-shirt that says: I am leading the way to an AIDS free world, referring of course, to these well-informed kids who live the reality of the disease along with Mr. Mazimbuko.

I promptly burst into tears.

How pathetic am I?

You can find the documentary in very good quality on YouTube, link to the first part of the first episode (out of two) here.

Yesterday, I had an on-line discussion about my paranoia about getting pregnant due to the truly woman un-friendly procedures pregnant women have to go through in order to obtain a legal abortion.
STD's were never something I was concerned about because every sexual encounter I ever had been with a condom (if it were with a man) and knowing my partner's history (if I were with a woman - yeah, those were not always as safe as they should be).
Lesbian sex has the lowest risk factor when it comes to contracting HIV/AIDS - that doesn't mean you are safe - especially if you have sores on your genitalia, mouth or a cut on your hands or some such.

Dental dams are not as available as they should be (which is bloody irritating) - and they're not just for Dykes y'all!

Any way. AIDS is a year round issue, not just Documentaries, Movies and Stories. It's an epidemic that is constantly on the rise.

The Israel AIDS Task Force says the number of infected in 2009 is expected to rise - currently there are an estimated 6,275 infected people some of whom are unaware of their status.
Number of people with HIV reaches all-time high in 2009.

On a less preachy note; I remember hearing about AIDS for the first time when I heard that Tom Hanks won the Oscar for his performance in Philadelphia.
That was 1993, I was 8.
I did not understand what AIDS was until I was in the 10th grade (I was 15 and the year was 2000) in which we had a sex-ed class and were were given little notes that has + and - written on them.
We were told to walk around the class in a random way, to keep one note and give out a note to other kids that we randomly encountered.
After that we sat down and the sex-ed educator asked everyone who had a + note to stand up. I and a great many other kids stood up and were told that we were now infected with HIV.

The sex-ed classes were pretty good in explaining how to have safe-sex, that a condom fits everyone and a boy who says the rubber "doesn't fit" is lying - which was hilarious to see all those cocky boys squirm in their seats.
That little experiment left a sour taste in my mouth as it could have been any STD, which is was the educator said, but the example used was AIDS.

In this same class (we had about three, if I recall correctly) there was talk about homosexuality which made me so freakin' uncomfortable. Homophobia was rampant and I was 15 and just realising I was "not like everybody else".
The fact that everyone was saying that AIDS could only occur between two men and all that, which the educator contradicted expertly I must add, but that didn't stop the crass homophobia after class.
It was depressing.

I wish I knew what the state of sex-education in high schools are today - ten years down the line - I can't think it's much changed.

Last night was a big mess when it came to be trying to deflect racism, homophobia and sexism.

I dunno what was in the air, but it was irritating.

I had to tell people to stop codifying Islam with "terrorism". I had to tell people that gay people in the States do not want "special rights" when it comes to same-sex marriage. I had to defend this "assimilationist" strategy - when I personally would like to see marriage abolished - because the "LGBT Community" isn't campaigning for separating the 1000+ rights automatically given with marriage and would rather just reproduce straight ideals - this is all coming from straight people by the way.
I had to tell people to stop using racial slurs when describing a black service person - and then went on to "Politically Correct" the language by instead of using racial slurs to say "African" in a very un-ambiguous way while looking at me in irritation.

Thank you for being an asshole.

Someone tried to convince themselves that going to a strip club wasn't contributing to the sex industry in the same way going to a prostitute.
I was shot down time after time when I tried to explain that the only thing you're doing by not going to a prostitute is not paying for sex with a prostitute. Going to a strip club is still contributing to the industry.

Then I'm told that some women chose to work in the sex industry.

I did not mention anything about who chooses to do what! Honestly, sex-work is real work! Just because I'd rather see it sans exploitation and sans human trafficking doesn't mean I am anti-sex work or anti-sex workers!

I think the main issue isn't the fact that women chose to do sex-work (and should be paid accordingly), but the fact that the sex-industry is so bloody duplicitous when it comes to what is legal and what isn't - more accurately, the law regarding the sex-industry is so duplicitous and because there is such a problem of comprehending the difference between legalisation (which often causes just as many problems as it being illegal) and decriminalisation.

Actual sex workers have better and more info on the subject.

All in all, it was an irritating evening in which my family and friends made me feel like a bloody fuddy-duddy, a Politically Correctness-Fiend and an anti pro-sex advocate!
Arrrgh!
But there's no doubt in anyone's mind that I'm pro-porn (which I am, though I'd rather, like other sections of the sex-industry, had a little more respect for its workers and consumers).

*sigh*

Such is the life of the pro-sex, anti-racist, queer feminist student of Literary Theory and Women's studies, I suppose.

If you are an Israeli gay guy; Independence Park in Tel Aviv will resonate in you in a way that doesn't for other people.
It is a large patch of greenery on near the beach, it's benches, trees and bushes.

The first time I ever went there, I was about 15 and scared out of my mind, there are barely any street lamps and I was pretty much thought I was going to be assaulted.
Luckily I was with a bunch of friends who told me, with a bit of humour, that I would not be approached by any man in this park.

The penny dropped.

Independence Park has a huge amount of baggage when it comes to queer culture - so much that a book has been written about it.

Now the #1 "unofficial" cruising spot is being yoinked from our hands:

T.A. gay community says city trying to evict them from cruising site
[...]
Now, community members say, the Tel Aviv municipality is trying to evict them from the park - installing stronger lighting, getting rid of bushes and trees, and increasing harassment by municipal patrols.

Visitors say that for the last two months, city inspectors have been blocking them from entering areas with shrubbery.

Harassment, by the way, is nothing new.
Obviously, this is not a place for queer women to go cruising, but I know from my gay men friends who have been harassed more often than not by police, that they've often been caught "with their pants down" though they're usually just been shoved around and not arrested for indecency or something like that.
The uprooting of trees and bushes is not something I'd heard of before and I find this worrying. I've always been comforted by the fact the the majority if litter found in the park (and the University parking lot) are used condoms - safe sex is awesome you guys!

The article continues:

The new policy is divisive even within the LGBT community itself, as some of its leaders sided with city hall. Yaniv Weizmann, founder of the Proud Youth organization and a city council member, told Haaretz that the park's historic role was over.

"The community has matured," he said. "We can walk around in broad daylight in Tel Aviv. Something that was relevant when we were a persecuted and oppressed community is no longer relevant today."

Emphasis mine.

What utter, utter bullshit.
I love it how cis gay men in positions of power presume to tell other queers what it means to persecuted and oppressed now.
Especially when we've just had Transgender Day of Remembrance.
Maybe you can walk in broad daylight mister city council member - a bunch of kids who part of your Proud Youth org cannot.

Others see establishment leaders like Weizmann as traitors to the cause.

"There's a coalition of homophobic straights and lush, fat, bourgeois gays who forget where they come from," said Lior Kay, who heads Hadash's Red-Pink forum. "They forgot how they, as petrified teenagers, would sneak off to Independence Park.

"If Weizmann wants to be a representative, he should be representing all of us, not just people who stepped out of the closet and into a penthouse," he said.

I'm glad they put both "sides" in this teeny-tiny article that no one but us queers are going to read about and actually give a damn.
Most straight people will not even realise what this means.
I'll tell you what it means, it means more persecution of gay people, restricting the movement and historical accessibility of gay people and basically policing gay people's behaviour into what is believed to be for the benefit of the "general public".
'Cause gays, obviously, are NOT a part of the general public and why should they (we) even think of retaining some kind of cultural history, am I right?

Director Zohar Kaniel, who frequents the park, believes the municipality's measures will not deter people.

"I don't want to go and pay money to meet people in some club or sauna. As a cruising spot, this place predates the state itself. You have parks like this one even in the most retrograde of countries. When I see a straight couple making out I don't bother them, so why should anyone bother me?"

Emphasis mine.

Israel has been showing a great regression when it comes to tolerating sexual minorities - not that I think we've ever been that great, but really this is plain ridiculous.
Especially in Tel-Aviv which has had a bad few months when it comes to its queer citizens.

Tel Aviv municipality said, "Over the last week, we witnessed activity in the park that appears to be illegal. Law enforcement authorities were instructed to take care of that activity, to allow the entire public to enjoy the park. We should stress there's no policy of driving away the gay community, but merely maintaining the park, just like all other parks in the city."

It just so happens that, de facto, the Tel-Aviv municipality is enacting homophobic legislation.
God, why is the city I plan to live in one day - at least for a bit - deciding to suck so hard?

Okay.
You all know what I think about the whole Caster Semenya debacle, because that is exactly what it is.

It being the day after Transgender Day of Rememberence and the News about her so-called innocence coming out the day before, is all a convergence of an issue of which there is little to no awareness in the mainstream media.

Gender variance.
Beyond that, treating gender, sexuality, physical and mental abilities as though they are some kind of moral compasses for people.

The fact that the Guardian article linked above states:

South Africa's government, Semenya's lawyers and the IAAF had reached total agreement that she will retain her gold medal, title and prize money because she has been found "innocent of any wrong", the ministry said in a statement.

Emphasis mine.

What, exactly, was her crime? Surely, she was publicly tried and put through hell... but there was no criminal trial in which she had to stand on a podium and claim her innocence of anything.
I'll tell you what her "crime" was.
She won the race. Her opponents ate her dust. Her body is strong, big and built to run as Dave Zirin wrote in the article Standing with Caster.
That - Those - were her crimes.
Her public offences.

Because she doesn't look as feminine as women are "supposed to", her entire life, and career, was ruined for running too fast for a woman.
It really should go without saying that African women and women of African descent have always been under the suspicion of not being feminine enough - or on the flip-side, being overtly sexual.
So, not only was Semenya too good as a woman athlete, she was not good enough as an African woman who is supposed to be all curves and pliant flesh on which to be colonised.

There is a reason the first "foul play" cries came from her White European opponents^*.
They could not believe that a woman beat them with such a huge margin.
Obviously, she had to be a man.

The fact that her family feels the need to attest and confirm her sex ("female") is just too terrible for words. Her very identity was put into question, her body was presented as a freak show for having a advantage which makes her the supreme athlete that she is.

She gets to keep her medal, I wonder how much of a consolation that is for the loss of dignity she has had to put up with for the four months.

The findings of her gender sex tests will remain confidential, as the whole speculation whether or not she is Intersex was a leak to the press.
We will never know and you know what... it's none of our business!
Really.
Let's get over this, because when you begin to question another person's gender you are basically saying: "You are a liar", "You are a freak", "Your identity is a failure".
How do I know this? Seeing as I'm cisgender and gender-conforming in my appearance.
#1 There was a time I wasn't gender-conforming in my looks.
#2 I do my best to listen to people.

Friends, #2 isn't that hard.

I know that as I've gotten more politically vocal I've been told (by various people) that I'm intolerant of other people's opinions, that I'm rigid in my views, that I'm un-accepting.
I wonder if the various people who tell me these things realise that huge swaths of the population whose voice is routinely silenced.

People who have a greater chance of being raped and murdered simply by walking out the door.

Because Caster Semenya supposedly didn't look like a woman "should", the mainstream media had no qualms about turning into Yellow Journalism over her bits and instead of reporting about this great breach of privacy, and colossal mistreatment and humiliation of a champion athlete, they went along with the sensationalism of what a person may or may not have between their legs.
Because there are men and women and people who are neither who chose the live their lives with integrity, how they see fit and not through the "M" or "F" that was issued to them at birth... they are silenced, brutalised and killed.

Silence is violence.

Speak Up!

Footnotes:
* Even though the Silver went to Kenyan Janeth Jepkosgei Busienei - but she only had 0.3 seconds over Bronze medallist Jenny Meadows of the UK, that's a "normal" margin... not a whole 2.45 seconds! That's crazy... Info from wiki.
Back to text.

Yesterday there was a march in honour of the victims of hate.

It was a pretty standard turn out for the March we were a little less than 100 people, made up of Trans folk and their Cissy Allies (hello there).
The march was set to start on the street of the shooting in August, which made the whole situation a whole lot more loaded emotionally of course.

The way to the march was a bloody disaster, you see, there was a different demonstration happening along the same main streets and we had to wait for it to pass.
The police was all set for that demonstration and basically decided that they would use the same personnel and the same garrisons for both marches.

One march was for Trans awareness, basically.
The other was for protesting the cut of the Disability Pension for IDF Veterans.

Yeah.
Talk about a "clash of civilisations" - one portion of the population that isn't drafted and another that pays the price for it.
*sigh*

As I said, getting to our march was a bloody disaster because the police garrisoned a bunch of main streets which we had to drive through, we also had to drive through the stragglers of the disabled vets march.

We drove through the entirety of central Tel Aviv on the busiest evening of the week, on the evening of a demo that nobody gave a shit about.
Two demos that nobody gave a shit about.

I didn't see anything other than Updates (as in not actual reporting) on the online mainstream news websites.

Of course, once we got to the Gay Community centre the police told us to go through the back so that we don't disturb the other demo.
Even when they're being fucked over by because they're disabled, there's still a hierarchy.

Both population are silenced and made invisible.
Both population intersect - I wouldn't be surprised if there were vets there who were Trans and there was certainly more than one marcher with us who had mechanic (crutches, wheelchair) aid.

Both populations are fucked over.

Still, it was obvious who were more respected by the police - the Disabled Vets didn't "chose" to be freaks and they're "genuinely" screwed over by the government.
Of course.

Sometimes I really feel the people in power just look down on us, eat and throw the crumbs down to see the fights brew.
It's depressing.

Last night I nearly had an argument with my parents, in which I was almost accused, again, of hating Israel.

Why?

Because I don't consider Iran to be an existential thread upon me or my nation.

Why?

Iran has bigger problems, like a civil uprising that's barely being reported now a days - unless it's a foreign national caught in the local politics. The fact that Iran is surrounded by American (and other Western) troops, in Iraq and Afghanistan - Yesterday was Armistice Day and I didn't mention it, because it's not a day commemorated here. We didn't "exist" during the Great War or the Second World War and we have our own military memorial days.
Not to mention Pakistan which really does have nuclear capabilities and appears to have a happy trigger finger.

Ahmadinejad finds Israel, like many other Muslim and Arab nations, an easy Scapegoat - it's part of our Status as Jews, I suppose.

I asked my parental units if they thought Iran was a big cohesive homogeneous nation? The answer was "Yes".
I called Bullshit and they knew that what they had said was not true, but the argument of "Iranian Aggression" doesn't fly when all of the above in taken into account.

I sincerely hope that not everyone thinks Israel is a bunch of Avigdor Liberman's (our Foreign Minister) and Bibi Netanyahu's (our Prime Minister).
Iran is too used as a scapegoat in order to deflect from our own huge problems - like the fact that 1 in 4 Israelis lives in poverty. That public housing is denied to mixed families. That the Settlements are a criminal issue and not just a "National" one.
Just to mention a few of Israel's "Problems".

But that's all small potatoes when we, Israel, an allegedly nuclear nation the tiny nation surrounded by enemies (with whom we are thinking about "peace agreements"... sorta) is being threatened by a politically unstable, non-nuclear and already sanctioned country.

Yeah, I'm feeling safe with Big Brother in this oh so tolerant and enlightened Jewish-Democracy.

I'm so glad I don't need to go out and do things today.
It is miserable out there; thunder and lighting, all very very frightening.

Two things happened on yesterday's Israeli News circuit and I think it show cases the different treatment given to Jews and Palestinians.

The first thing I heard about is that Member of Knesset Mohammed Barakeh was going to be indited for assaulting a police officer during a demonstration in Bil'in.
I've been hearing about this possibility for three years now and I knew it would be just a matter of time.
I'm not keen on calling out unfair treatment, but the fact remains that witnesses have said that if Barakeh touched a police officer it was in defence, because friends... you do not want to get into it with Israeli police officers, especially not the Special Patrol Unit - basically the riot police - who have no qualms about picking people up and throwing them into a crowd - I speak as someone who cushioned someone's landing.

Point being, I've been trying to find more info about the story, because Dudes, inditing an MK for assault is no small thing.

The other News story is the arrest of one Yaakov "Jack" Teitel (an American Jew who immigrated to Israel and has been living in Shvut Rachel - a West Bank settelment - since 2000) who has been titled as The Jewish Terrorist, under his belt are, allegedly: the murder of two Palestinians (a Shepard and a taxi driver), rigging a package bomb that was aimed at and wounded a family of Messianic Jews, the attempted murder of Prof. Ze'ev Sternhell (prominent Left-Wing thinker) and for committing a series of warning attacks against the police at the times of the LGBTQ Pride Parades.

He has confessed to almost all the charges and said he came to Israel in 1997 to carry out attacks on Palestinians as revenge for the terrorist attacks and suicide bombings.

Yeah. ( Click for more )

Below are the videos of what is now possibly considered the most controversial Daily Show interview to date (correct me if I'm wrong).
I'd seen them on my f-list over the past few days and hadn't had the time to watch or comment on them.
Today as I was going through my RSS Reader, someone shared the Mondoweiss post, the author of the post was actually in the audience that day.

I watched them and I found myself nodding a whole lot.
( Videos under the cut )
There isn't much to add to Barghouti and Baltzer, I always find it encouraging when Jon Stewart pushes the non-mainstream News agenda on his show.
I've read in a few places that people were irritated by his own Hasbarah bias, that he brought in Iran and tried to equalise the Occupation into being just a Conflict.
I think by voicing the "average" opinion, Stewart exposes the propaganda pumped into our heads and both Barghouti and Baltzer really stayed on message - that of non-violence and finding peace on the grass roots level, which where the true power comes from (damn I need to get back to my Arabic!).

I find Baltzer very interesting, as I had not heard of her before, Barghouti is a "known entity" and I've had a lot of respect for him and his activism for a while now - I hope I manage to actually hear him speak in person someday soon. But her background, coming from an American-Jewish Zionist household... I can relate, as y'all know.

Last week I was speaking to a fellow student and friend, she told me her partner was studying German and that as soon as they had their finances straightened out she and he were out of here.
I nodded in understanding and pangs, because so many of my friends speak like this (I speak like this a lot as well).
And she asked me if I also plan on leaving.
I said I'd like to live in a different country for a while, to have perspective, experience, do what my sisters did.
She persisted: "But you'd come back here?"
"Yeah, most likely"
"I wouldn't" she said.
And I said, like someone commented a few months ago when I was ready to pretty much pack and leave (if I could) then and there: "But what's to become of here if all us Bleeding Hearts leave?"
"I don't have a false sense of patriotism" she said.
"It's not about patriotism... it's about humanity".

I considered that I was very well indoctrinated in the Zionist ethos. I still am. I'm quite sure that the reason I see myself living elsewhere, missing this hell-hole and coming back, is because I was taught that "there is no where else that is Home for us".
As I've mentioned, ideologically speaking, I'm no Zionist, I'm a Lefty-Humanist. But I was taught and lived Zionism and very likely I learned to love my country, land and people because I was immersed in that ideology since I was a baby.
Cracks in that ideal began when I was in high school and went to Poland with my class mates and mother to see where we were exterminated... the Nationalist zeal so many came back with seemed utterly strange to me.
My apathetic teenaged angst prevented me from making the logical leap, it would be years before I could unpack the what that trip to Poland did to me, my classmates and all the other classes that went on that trip.

I suppose it's fitting that I'm writing this the week of Yitzhak Rabin's anniversary of his assassination. I had forgotten all about it, until I saw the signs for memorial ceremonies... to me it'll always be November 4th and not the Hebrew date I never follow anyway.

Where was I? Oh yes, I learned Zionism and I'm unlearning it as well. Jews and Palestinians co-operate all the time, talking on the level with each other, person to person.
Governments...
Well... not to sound all Libertarian (seeing as I like having a modicum of a safety net under me as I meander aimlessly through life), but when it comes to treating people like human beings, they're pretty fucking redundant.

But what Barghouti said was very true, it resonated.
I made it the title of this entry.

Oh wait.

It really, really is not a fucking conundrum.

The man raped a child, plead guilty, then ran away because the sentencing was too harsh for him (U.S. Appellate Court! Hello!), not that I think there's anything to appeal, or condone or even sympathise with a criminal who decided to do a runner rather than serve the time given him for the crime he committed upon a 13 year old girl.

Is this getting into people's thick skulls?! Obviously not, seeing as there is a fucking petition (No! Tilda Swinton! Pedro Almodovar?!?! *weeps*... just a couple of names at first glance that popped out at me) calling for him to be let go and set free signed by a large amount of people, whose work I admire and inspire me. This is all so fucking Twilight Zone I'm having a hard time articulating it in a manner that doesn't include me tearing my hair out and run screaming through the streets like the "hysterical woman" that I am.

The man, drugged and raped a girl, is also an artist.

*crickets*

What? Is that so bloody hard to imagine? That people who create great things are also morally bankrupt and make no mistake, even if he personally feels guilty (but doesn't really want to sit in jail for it) he still raped a child.

It's really not that complicated. Either the rape of a child is punishable no matter who commits it, or those who are famous, wealthy and part of the artistic Elite are utterly exempt from the laws governing us lowly serfs.

An exaggeration? Please, this is once again a moment in history in which those who "Have" are entitled to get away with espousing the ugliest, most anti-social bullshit imaginable.

And for getting away with criminal behaviour, of course.

Obviously, this is no longer just about Polanski.

The Lambda Literary Foundation, for those of you who do not know, is an American LGBT Literary that works to raise the status of Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender authors, who are marginalised, in the literary world.

Awesome says I.

An organisation that works to elevate the visibility and merit of LGBT(Q!) authors is good.

The Lambda Awards (hereby known as the Lammy's) though, are about the stories. Or at least, that's what I (and probably many others) thought.

However, the new guidlines contain within them a new rule, which is a source of contention:

The Lambda Literary Foundation (LLF) seeks to elevate the status of openly gay, lesbian, bisexual and trans (LGBT) people throughout society by rewarding and promoting excellence among LGBT writers who use their work to explore LGBT lives.

As such, it should be noted that the Lambda Literary Awards are based principally on the LGBT content, the gender orientation/identity of the author, and the literary merit of the work.

Let's get one thing straight (laugh it up); queers having our own space, our own awards and our own rules as to who applies, is not a bad thing.
Really, it's not.
The problem is, who decides.

The Lammy's guideline specifically states:

As to what defines LGBT? That is not up to anyone at Lambda Literary Foundation to decide. The writers and publishers are the ones who will be doing the self-identifying. Sexuality today is fluid and we welcome and cherish this freedom. We take the nomination of any book at face value: if the book is nominated as LGBT, then the author is self-identifying as part of our LGBT family of writers, and that is all that is required. There are many permutations of LGBT and they're all welcome as that LGBT term we've all adopted makes clear.

Okay, so they accept anyone who ID's as part of the LGBT(Q damnit!) family. And if that bisexual cis woman who is married to her straight cis male husband of such-and-such years submits an award. Sure, of course she's eligible.
But wait, no she doesn't, she doesn't live the "lifestyle".
An exaggeration?
Not so much, when that kind of thing happens all the time, you're not queer enough if you have het privilege.
Is it stupid? Of course it is, but whoever said marginalised groups were good with the whole acceptance thing.

Honestly, I don't think it would go that way, I'm also obviously being satirical here. I mean, it could, but I'm trying for optimism here. LGBT(Q) authors having their place and awarding those of us who wrote a story in which our portrayal brings us and the characters in the story alive is a very good thing.
Telling people that who they are may not be enough in order to be eligible for the award is not the way to go.

The main problem that came out of this whole thing is that the change in the guidelines came with such short notice.
The notice of the change came out September 25th, submission begins October 1st and ends December 1st.
Yeah, no matter how you look, that is short notice, especially when it's effective immediately.

I say my opinion is fuzzy, the "litmus" should be for people to be able to say:"I'm queer", accept that statement at face value and move on in order to read a good book or story about people who are like me (potentially). But queer isn't a visible thing, our statements of who we are, are under constant attack because we are marginalised, because we are not "normal", because if we really wanted to and tried hard enough, we wouldn't have to be marginalised, now would we.

I'm getting frustrated from all this thinking about which box we're supposed to fit into. Sexuality is fluid (not for everyone!), but it better remain in that little bowl.

Regardless of how us queers feel about the change in the guidelines, which is not clear cut at all, here is one thing I have to say about those straight authors, who are yelling at the Interwebs, about being marginalised because the Lammy's changed the rules on their gay romance.

Shut up.

No, really. Shut. The. Fuck. Up.

I've had it up to fucking here with stupid straight people appropriating my space, in order to promote an agenda that has nothing to do with actually being queer, and has everything to do with "but I want to play in this sandbox too".
Yes, well, at the moment you are peeing in it, because the attitude of entitlement is not the one members of the LGBTQ family who happen to be cis and straight should be throwing around.
You feel strongly about your portrayal of gay characters, that's good, I feel strongly about it to.
Saying that because you feel excluded from a prize, you are oppressed is irksome, irritating and shows that you are so privilege blind that you really have no fucking clue what homophobia, biphobia, transphobia, etc actually causes the psyche of a person who does deal with these prejudices and hates on a bloody daily basis.

God, am I the only one who had a flashback to the trek stupidity a couple months back.
Seriously, peeps, what the fuck?!

On that, I'm not so fuzzy headed.

A thanks to rm, kynn and vashtan; their posts really enabled me write this post in a (hopefully) semi-coherent way.
Their own opinions and fact finding skills were extremely helpful.

Caster Semenya on suicide watch.

Colour me unsurprised and royally pissed off.

I've been keeping up to date on the story ever since Germaine Greer's transphobic comments regarding the affair.

I have about ten tabs open with articles and blog posts all talking about Semenya.
Many people are talking about the issue, as well they should.

To me, it reads as a cautionary tale to those women who dare to be exceptional, who dare to toe the line of the gender assigned to them at birth, of women who cannot (visibly) be intimidated by a man.

We will crush you, if you dare. The same goes to any gender non-conformist. Caster Semenya had the misfortune to be a good runner, she beat the European competition (in Berlin no less) and was then (almost literally) dissected in public to make sure that she didn't have an "unfair advantage".

The intersection of sexism, racism, colonialism, gender essentialism and the problematic state of women athletes in track and field sports all seemed to coalesce in the most destructive way possible on this woman, whose life (not to mention career) has gone down the drain.

The public eye, the policing of what is considered appropriate identity will kill you dead if you dare step out of line and show that you are good at what you do.
Your identity, that thing you spent so much time moulding and attuning and making your own is shattered by the fact that the medical institute insists that we are as our bodies say we are.

Biology is destiny.

Various hair products, plastic surgery, body-modification parlours and trans people who go through hormone therapy and sex reassignment surgery (top and/or bottom) tell a different story.

A woman's body is up for public consumption. Add racism into the mix and you have the masses demanding she be made "presentable".

It was the beginning of the end when I saw that Semenya had been made over. Her androgyny (pic before makeover) became a source of contention in the aftermath of her win. Moreover, the history of black women's bodies being forced to conform to Euro-centric beauty standards and the issue of how black femininity is culturally lesser than white femininity also raised the level of what Semenya needed to do in order to compensate, nay, publicly apologize for the fact that she's a masculine woman (pic after makeover).

In the article The Unforgivable Transgression of Being Caster Semenya, the author expands on the fact that black women (people of African descent in general) have historically been targeted as gender non-conformists, or even failures:

South Africans aren’t the only ones angrily comparing Semenya’s treatment to that of Saartjie Baartman, the nineteenth-century Khoisan woman who was exhibited throughout Europe as a sexualized monstrosity. White audiences guffawed, prodded and poked at her exposed body, which they laughingly demeaned as that of a “Hottentot Venus”: the inverse of European standards of beauty. Challenging Semenya’s femaleness, people now assert, is imperialism all over again.

I'm loath to call gender essentialism imperialism, but different kinds of oppression do often come from the same place.
The policing of identities and bodies into the dominant world order and subjugating those identities and bodies in order to maintain that world order.
The gender binary is the world order.
And it kills.

What I really enjoyed in the article linked above was this paragraph:

[I]nstead of insisting upon the naturalness of her gender, how about turning the question around and denaturalizing the world of gender segregated, performance-obsessed, commercially-driven sports, a world that can neither seem to do with or without excessive bodies like Semenya’s and their virtuosic performances?

The rush to compare Semenya to Saartjie Baartman, while obvious for nationalistic reasons, misses something crucial. Baartman was exhibited and castigated for what the imperialist eye took to be her abberant femininity. A better comparison here would be to the many trans bodies (like famed jazz pianist Billy Tipton[link added by eumelia) who have been disciplined and punished for their female masculinity.

One of the first things I learned when I became immersed in feminism was that society isn't the way it is, it's how we think it is.
Or rather, it's how we see ourselves as part of it.
That's why racism is systemic and there is a difference between a white person calling a black person a "nigger" and a black person calling a white person a "cracker".
The personal wound to either goes without saying, the history of the words are different and the affect that history has over our minds, bodies and social groups is severe.
Apartheid may be "over" in South Africa.
The disparity between those who Have and those who Have Not remains largely unchanged.

Caster Semenya is paying the price of being too good. Of being a woman whose biological body is now considered medically inapplicable to her gender. She may be Intersex (ETA: a fact that was leaked to the press before the results actually reached her. Classy), but she's a woman and she's being punished for not being female enough.

The article The Sad Saga of Caster Semenya writes:

[I]t is important to note here, critically, that Caster Semenya has always been a woman, has always defined herself as a woman, has lived her life as a woman, has to this date considered herself to be a woman, not transgendered, not a transman. It is critical to note this here as to understand both the statement to come as well as what a public scrutiny of gender is like.

It is a horde of people thinking they have a right to decide where you belong with only an ignorant impression of your gender proclivities and expression with zero understanding of your internal sex. And their opinion is to be given credence over your own. Transpeople undergoing Harry-Benjamin style therapy for “permission” to transition know this feeling very well. It is humbling, infuriating, and leaves you feeling powerless and adrift.

And for her there’s no point at the end of it, just the threat of the removal of everything that has brought you joy, the threat that all of this can be taken away because you were suspicious. Now the public and an arbitrary standard noone fully understands can remove the one passion that has defined your life and remove from you the dream of a little girl (to compete, perchance to medal in the Olympic games, to bring honor to your country and family, and most importantly to yourself).

Gone in an instant.

Emphasis mine

Anyone's perception of self would be undone by the unbearable melancholy of one's identity being forcibly yoinked from pillar to post because of public demands, because gender is a prison even when you supposedly overcome it. Which is what woman athletes do of course, over come the infirmity of their weaker bodies - and they're still not considered to be worthy of same attention as men athletes, because the best woman will always be lesser than the medioce man. Suck on that Billie Jean King.

In conclusion:
Well, it doesn't end here. I hope I don't wake up tomorrow morning and discover that Caster Semenya ended her life because society deemed her unacceptable. The trauma is undeniable, the humiliation is beyond comprehension.
Gender essentialism continues to be the building block of oppression as we live it and no one is safe from the assault on the self if you dare to toe the line.
Failing in your gender, it's a killer, literally.

There is much to blog about, as much happened over the week and weekend, none of them particularly good.

Ah well, such is the state of the State.

As most of you know, Israel presents itself as a Homeland and Nation-State to the Jewish people, all well and good in principle I suppose.
A problem exists though in the notion that Israel has any say about how Jews relate to the State of Israel, or if they were to consider it a Homeland of any kind.
A 2000 year Diaspora is not so easily diminished by the fact that the State exists for 61 years or that the ideal of a Nation came about around the same time as all the others... it was a Spring, if I'm not mistaken.

Let it not be said that Israel doesn't share the arrogance of its neighbours when it comes to upholding what is the correct way for Jews to be Jews, and telling them so.

This week a new campaign targeting Diaspora Jews who have been lost to assimilation was launched.
As can be read in the article linked, the campaign is in aid of MASA, which is a partnership between the Jewish Agency and the Israeli Government that helps bring young Diaspora Jews to Israel for academic programs and things like that.

The propaganda machine of what goes on in programs such as MASA and Birthright aside, the new campaign is by far worse than any I've ever seen.
The video of the ad linked here or viewable ( under the cut )

Now, the problem isn't the fact that this campaign exists, much to my annoyance, the problem is with the idea that Israel has basically created a campaign in which it calls people to tattle to this agency about Jewish people who aren't "Jewish" enough.
And when I say tattle, I mean that the number given in the ad isn't for curious Diaspora Jews to call and inquire, no-no, it is for us, Israeli Jews, to call that number and give the email, facebook, blog, phone-number of people we think are up to no good, like *gasp* not actually care or think about Israel that much, or *shock-horror-and-awe* date someone who isn't Jewish!

That's right! We, the true Children of Zion, must make sure our frivolous siblings in lands filled with temptation and free will and choice in how to be Jewish, know the true path of the Chosen People.

In the most fascist way possible.

Nothing says Homeland like Fatherland.

The ad, aimed at Israelis (hence the Hebrew) is supposed to invoke the feelings of sorrow and grief. The greyness and the music of flutes are themes found more often than not at our memorial ceremonies. Generally speaking, if there we are commemorating something of memorial it is going to be either for our Glorious Dead soldiers, or the victims of the Holocaust.

Israel needs the Diaspora.
It needs it mainly to have something to discount when it comes to Jewish identity.
As I said, the true Children of Zion (me), are the true Jews, all those others Out There, were not brave enough, strong enough in their Jewish conviction, or simply not truly Jewish, to come to Israel (Eretz Yisroel/Palestinah) and fight to create the state.
Or something ridiculous like that.

Surprise, Not all Jews appreciate this new campaign.
No! Really?! I'm so... unsurprised by this faux pas:

A day after mounting a scare-tactic campaign to prevent the assimilation of Diaspora Jews, the Prime Minister's Office and Jewish Agency received some 200 calls, most of them reporting names of Jews living abroad.

However, many callers also blasted the campaign - which describes assimilation as a "strategic national threat."
[...]
About 100 of the callers reported unmarried Jews aged 18-30 living in France, the United States and New Zealand. Callers also left their acquaintances' Facebook and Twitter names as well as email addresses so that MASA people could contact them.

The campaign also evoked many angry phone calls, some calling the campaign a "farce."

"Are we also supposed to report acquaintances who don't intend to have children?" one caller asked.

"We wanted to raise a public debate, even if it arouses argument and emotions," MASA's CEO Ayelet Shiloh-Tamir said Thursday.

Emphasis mine

A public debate.
Yeah, a-huh, right. Israelis, especially ad campaigns, always like "arousing argument and emotions" with the notion that this is what grabs attention and provokes response and any response, is a good response.
When utterly disregarding the fact that an ad campaign of this nature makes it legitimate to give out information about people who didn't give their consent to this, it's no longer "public debate".
It's the basic democratic idea that people can live their lives how they chose, so long as no harm comes to another person.

We're the only democracy... how? Exactly?

If you're interested, you should read No Silent Holocaust on IsraLeft.

This post discusses the prevalence of sexual assault, rape-culture and why I get annoyed about Bills that create different "standards" of rape.

Because the subject matter can be a traumatic trigger, it is ( behind a cut )

Thoughts?

When I began my feminist education I pretty much went chronological and began reading about Suffrage, Harriet Taylor Mill, John Stewart Mill, Seneca Falls, The Declaration of Sentiments etc.
Then came the Second Wave, you know "The Second Sex", "The Feminine Mystique", "The Redstockings Manifesto"... "The Female Eunuch".

I really liked Germaine Greer.
Her deconstruction of gender was cutting edge at the time. She managed to lay out the Materialist aspect of femininity, womanhood, etc.
Though after reading Monique Wittig she seemed a bit dated.

Any way, I really like her and I've kept her in a nostalgic corner of my heart. However, like many radical feminists who seem to be stuck in the Second Wave, which gave us many tools into seeking liberation, but were very marginalising for identities that didn't mesh with the very dichotomy that feminism sought to deconstruct.

Greer has made Transphobic remarks in the past which I had the privilege to ignore, because I wanted to keep liking her.
This though.
I can't ignore, because it's just too hateful, too anathema for me to reconcile that a feminist of her stature would be so intolerant towards women who lived different lives from her.

In her article in the Guardian Caster Semenya sex row: What makes a woman?, she writes:

Nowadays we are all likely to meet people who think they are women, have women's names, and feminine clothes and lots of eyeshadow, who seem to us to be some kind of ghastly parody, though it isn't polite to say so. We pretend that all the people passing for female really are. Other delusions may be challenged, but not a man's delusion that he is female.

Screw You, Germaine!

I feel like I should deconstruct this article line by line, but frankly that's boring and I'd have to read it again.

Not only is Ms. Greer reaffirming the disgusting stereotype of "female parody" that are trans women, that is, that trans women cannot look female, as though there is some standard that women must abide to. She also negates the trans identity as a delusion, continuing the idea that trans people are mentally ill because they "believe" that are the opposite gender.

Who the fuck are you Greer, the "Sex" Police?

Because she's writing about Semenya, she also briefly writes about the exams Semenya must undergo in order to establish her femaleness:

And then Caster Semenya appeared. Big, blokish and bloody fast, could she really be a girl? No simple chromosomal test will decide. Establishing her sex will require the services of an endocrinologist, a gynaecologist, an expert on gender and a psychologist. For those of us who have never been allowed to doubt that we were female, the process seems bizarre. We don't know if we think like women or not. We just think. Is there a reputable psychologist out there who would dare to distinguish a female thought process from a male one?

Emphasis mine
Germaine are you kidding? Are you high? Wow, hypocrisy just isn't as subtle as it used to be.
I cannot imagine the humiliation that Semenya is forced to under go in order to prove she is who she says she is.
She's being punished for being too good.
The line between male and female is culturally based.
If a Woman is made, then so is a Man.
That doesn't make these identities any less real, a woman who was male assigned at birth is no less a woman than one female assigned at birth.
Just different.
The feeling of being forced into a gender that doesn't suit you is painful and no, you cannot doubt which gender you are, that can bring about a hell of a lot of trouble and strife into your life.
Surely, Germaine, you can relate to that.
No?
Oh well.

I suppose I'll just have to make fun at the fact that when you write a conclusion that includes a sentence like this one:

People who don't ovulate or menstruate will probably always physically outperform people who do. But then, doesn't all competitive sport canonise and glamorise the exploitation of genetic advantage? Who said life was fair?

I suppose Ms. Greer isn't aware that most women athletes once they reach a certain level of fitness, weight and musculature do not menstruate any longer.
And yes, many athletes both female and male have an "unfair genetic advantage", that's part of what makes an athlete rather good.
Would you ban Michael Phelps from swimming because he has extra big feet?

In short, Germaine Greer you suck! Get over yourself and start living in the now, rather than in the 1970's.

Just this evening, at the Berlin World Track and Field Championships, Caster Semenya of South Africa won the 800 metre distance run.

I saw it on teevee and I was amazed.

She left them all in the dust, a few of the other athletes were utterly bewildered.

Now she faces a gender probe, more info here.
That is, she's going to go under the invasive procedure of "making sure" she's female, because she did too well in her field.

Such is the fate of female athletes who are too successful.

I don't know what how Semenya ID's, nor do I care, however, her appearance is butch... too butch for the comfort of the athletics committee.

Diversity within female "sex" is verboten, obviously.

I'm smelling the misogyny, transphobia, homophobia and racism from here, in my little dusty room.

Maybe one day athletic categories will be divided through comparative abilities, rather than through gender segregation.

At WorldCon there was massive Race!Fail coming from author L. Jagi Lamplighter which you can read about in a couple of posts by karnythia, such as I'm about to be a jerk on the Internet or RaceFail Goes To WorldCon (open the links... they're just precious) and a thread started by the aforementioned author.

The links from Lamplighter's own journal arhyalon are just willfully ignorant (which contains an apology for some of the ignorance... it has problems, but okay).

It's race fail due to colour blindness and really, people in this day and age should know better than to think that's the way in which racism will be purged.
Ignoring a social facet that is so deeply ingrained you do not even notice it is there will not make it go away.
That is what makes it stick.

But kids, it doesn't end there. No siree it does not.
Another author - John C Wright, who also has an LJ - johncwright, who happens to be married to the one above is also a bigot, only instead of being wilfully ignorant, he posted a screed (ETA: which is now a screen shot because he deleted the entry - because that's integrity for you) titled More Diversity and More Perversity in the Future!

Yeah.

So yesterday there was an influx of legitimately pissed off people which amounted to something like 800+ comments on that post. In a pure act of cowardice he has screened all the comments and disabled that post, meaning even if you wanted to, you cannot comment on that disgusting piece of diatribe.
My comment (and the replies that I got) are saved though, as I have them in my email.
And because I am vain, I will now let you read what I commented to him, because really, I feel it's one of my best nasty comments ever.

I'd suggest you educate yourself and offer links, but why waste both our times when I can just stand aside and watch you be eviscerated by others who also think you're an ass-hole, as your sales take a dip.

In short, fuck you.

You're pretty much the lowest level of humans as you don't even have the decency to keep your prejudice to yourself.
How sad for you.
Though I suppose we're lucky that we now know the truth about you.

And this is much milder than I originally intended.

Bragging now over.

Authors, at least in my mind, should really know better. Words, spoken and written hold a huge amount of power. They have the ability to affect the world no less than a a bullet or a tank. The affects and consequences are different, but no less dramatic or powerful (in the long run).

If you are called out on something you said because it has hurt someone in some way, it is your responsibility to figure out why someone is so worked up about it. The excuse of "thin skin" and "over sensitivity" is derailment and while there are cases of misunderstandings and out-of-context experiences, most of the time... your arse is showing and it would make everyone feel better, including your (my) self if you covered it and said "excuse me".

Just a thought.

Edited to show that an apology from arhyalon was given.

Yesterday I went to FantasyCon, the one day summer Convention, the theme was Romance and Love in sci-fi and fantasy, seeing as it fell on the week of Tu b'Av, which is basically the Jewish Valentine Day.

I really needed it.

I wore my Torchwood t-shirt (with Jack and Ianto), there was a lecture on sub-textual romance in Doctor Who (pre-Eccleston... 'Ship wars are woe), which was great and I ended up talking a bunch with the lecturer who is writing her PhD (I think) on the Doctor Who.

I love academic geeks... my people.

There was also a really good lecture on Slash and the way it enables us to appropriate characters and content of media that isn't really representative of, well, us.

The atmosphere of the Con, despite the cosplayers and decorations and the baby Dalek on the floor, was quite sombre because of the shooting last Saturday night. There is a huge amount of intersection between the Con-going audience and participants and the LGBT community. One of the reasons I never felt, until I went to Uni, that I needed a queer community was because I had one in the Sci-Fi/Fantasy community.

I finally broke down and cried quite a lot when I spoke to morin, who I've been friends with since I was in the third grade and who is my BFF. We hung out before we went to the different lectures we had planned and eventually we began to talk about how much it sucked here.
Zie and hir partner have been talking about leaving Israel for a while now, but the past few months since Netanyahu took office and last Saturday being the last straw in a lot of ways, hir saying that really brought it home for me.
I can't think of anything that really good here.
And I started crying.
morin, having known me for such a long time (and possibly being a telepath) came prepared and gave me a bunch of tissues.
I got a bunch of hugs after by many people... a crying Mel is a very miserable looking Mel.
avgboojie even gave me a tentacle filled hug, simply because I hijacked her Cthulhu plushy.

[Southern!Girl] is staying over and I spoke to her about how I felt. Really, this is a very visceral feeling, wanting to say "fuck it", get my degree and fucking leave.
I don't know of any place which is that much better, that I can imagine building a new home in.
I've thought about living elsewhere for a while, being a part of a different place at some point, but I always thought that I'd come back here and live here and just be here.

I'm not wanted here.

Israel is basically a unique blend of the USA and Iran and I feel very little hope for that mix.

I don't know how much more I can tolerate not being tolerated. In this place that I can only see as a negation of everything my parents hoped it would be when they chose to leave South Africa.